"We don't want to stop children from making mistakes, but to learn not to lose our temper." "It's better to encourage children to be happy ordinary people than to set an unreachable goal for them."
Before, the speech of a senior three parent in the First Affiliated Middle School of Huazhong Normal University became popular.
At a family education seminar, the parent shared three stories: "about speaking", "about achievement" and "about making mistakes". She discussed her own education experience.
Many netizens said they were greatly inspired. Today, Xiaobian shared with you, hoping that parents can get some inspiration from it.
Life is long, why panic Xie Chunlin: the parents of Zheng Yasang, class 26, grade 16
Parents are a kind of occupation. Although there is no pre job training, they should resolutely go to work; although there is no professional education, they can take on-the-job training; although they cannot resign, they can retire.
The education of children is a never-ending and never precise process.
Children are like running high-speed rail. Although parents and teachers are always careful, derailment still happens from time to time. How to deal with all kinds of sudden changes calmly is a compulsory course for parents and children to study.
Only when family education and school education complement each other, can children become adults.
Family is the first school in life, and parents are the first teachers of children. The so-called tutoring is just that the parents plant the seeds of spirit and emotion in the children 's hearts, and these seeds grow with us.
In some families, parents plant love, respect and independence; in others, fear, burden or guilt.
I want to share three stories with you. The themes of the story are "about speaking", "about achievement" and "about making mistakes".
01
We don't want to stop children from making mistakes, we need to learn not to lose our temper
When I was reading, my mother always thought that I was inferior to my neighbor's sister: I didn't have her to do housework, I didn't have her to be clever and sensible, I didn't have her to talk about health, and I didn't even have her to look good.
At first, I had a good relationship with my neighbor's sister, but my mother always praised that she disliked me. Gradually, I couldn't treat her with ordinary heart, and I began to deliberately reduce my contact with her.
When I was compared countless times and scolded or beaten by my mother for many mistakes, I was deeply doubted whether I was born by my mother. At the worst, I didn't talk to my mother for a whole month. Once I was standing by the pond and I was in despair.
My mother's attitude towards me changed after I was admitted to university. Many years have passed. The fear of being compared and scolded when I was a child is still nailed in my heart. I often sweat my back when I dream back at midnight.
But when I mentioned this experience to my mother, she couldn't remember it at all. She just said lightly, "not all for you?"
The children of other families seem to be the "heart and soul" of their parents. Compared to parents become extremely anxious, thus losing patience, more and more like losing temper.
We don't believe in children's ability to correct mistakes. We always worry about children's detours. In today's increasingly fierce competition, we are often at a loss when facing the pressure of life, work and children's learning.
Grumpy parents often regard their closest relatives as emotional trash cans and dump their emotional trash day by day.
Grumpy people often refuse to admit their problems and think that it is others' mistakes that cause their emotions to get out of control.
But a person can't manage emotions effectively, in fact, because of the lack of communication ability and problem-solving ability.
Bad temper is also easy to inherit, because children who grow up in bad temper can easily learn to "vent their emotions and copy violence", but it is difficult to learn to effectively communicate and actively face it.
It took me nearly 20 years to understand that what we do as parents is not to stop our children from making mistakes, but to learn not to lose our temper.
02
We need to learn to change ourselves
Silent guard, waiting for flowers to bloom
My daughter's study before high school has ups and downs, but generally it is not very worrying and worrying.
In the first year of senior high school, the first mid-term exam was the last in the class. This result made my father and I sad for a long time, for a long time, we dare not go to the canteen to eat.
After this, the daughter obviously worked harder than before. Try to follow the teacher's explanation in class, and actively go to the teacher's office to solve problems after class, and also seize the time to brush questions on weekends.
Once I heard my daughter say, "sometimes I think about physics problems that I can't solve in five minutes, and my deskmate gives the answer in five seconds. Mom, do you know how that feels? "
I fully understand her helplessness and helplessness. I can't give her more than understanding and love. Afraid of the pressure from my daughter, my father and I set the final exam as the fifth from the bottom of our class.
But the reality is: daughter from the class's penultimate progress to the penultimate. Compared with her daughter's poor science results, we are more distressed by her efforts.
Despite the opposition of others, I calmly advised my daughter to transfer to liberal arts. "Baby dad said anxiously," what if she can't read liberal arts well? " I calmly replied, "if you can't do a good job in liberal arts, lower your goal.".
In fact, when she gave birth to a baby, she asked her, "will you be the first in school in the future? Can't do it? Then I don't want to have a baby. "
We must realize that children are raised to participate in the growth of a life.
The parent-child relationship is a profound fate in life, a love without complaint, a journey of mind and wisdom.
In the way of getting along with children, what we should do is to learn to cultivate and change ourselves, to guard silently and wait for flowers to bloom.
When we are full of wisdom and strength, our children are naturally influenced by us. Now, our daughter's academic performance is gradually increasing in her efforts, and the total score of the exam is gradually improving to the top four in the class.
But wait for the flowers to bloom, not give up. We should be good to the excellent children, because most of them are far away, and you should cherish every day you get along with her now; we should be good to the average children, because most of them will be around us in the future, will accompany us for the holidays, will accompany us for the new year.
It's better to encourage children to be happy ordinary people than to set an unreachable goal for them.
03
Life is long, don't panic
You're not growing up, I'll take on it
Before my daughter's promotion to senior three, I made an agreement with her: after one year's study in senior three, we can read books or watch TV, but we should stay away from mobile phones.
In the first half of the month, my daughter did a good job. She read books every day. Half a month later, she began to watch TV.
Later, she said that it was a waste of time to go home for dinner in the evening, so she might as well stay at school and brush up the questions. This idea delighted me and my father. In order to show her love and support, her father volunteered to go home every afternoon to get food and send it to school on time. On the one hand, he helped her save time, on the other hand, he ensured her nutrition. It lasted about half a month.
Once, baby dad had something to do, hurriedly brought dinner to the office, before leaving, he told his daughter to finish eating and hurry up to brush math problems. The daughter cleverly agreed.
About an hour later, he returned to the office ahead of time. The daughter lies on the table doing the questions, everything seems to be normal. But when Dad went to pour water, he was surprised to find that there was a mobile phone charger he didn't use in the socket. He was very upset and questioned his daughter. He found the cell phone he had put at home before in her pocket
This is not the first time our daughter has used our trust in her to hide and seek with us. When my daughter was young, she liked reading. She often read secretly when I didn't pay attention to my homework. When she was fast asleep, she hurried to do her homework. Later, I like to play computer, and secretly play computer while I am not at home or busy with work. Later, with her mobile phone, she played with all kinds of tricks.
We have been walking in the cycle of "trust - betrayal - criticism and Education - convergence for a period of time". Although my father and I have always told her that it is a disaster to lose trust, they are always reluctant to punish her because of her good attitude.
This time, my father and I decided to punish my daughter no matter how she confessed or how she behaved, and never be merciless.
So I wrote a long letter to my daughter, telling her the importance of obeying the rules and the principle of punishment for violating the rules. In the letter, I said:
Character, just like the deposit in the bank, is less every time you use it. Even sometimes, like the food without shelf life, as long as it is opened and damaged, it can no longer be sealed and preserved.
You lack the most basic value and cherish for trust, for character.
You trample on your image in our hearts. Because you know: we love you, and eventually forgive you.
We do love you very much. Even if you are useless, we can't stop loving you.
But daughter, our love can only protect you to graduate from senior three. When you go to university or work, if you trample on the rules at will and lose the trust of others, you will have no friends, no lovers, no jobs, only us who are old.
Other people don't have to tell you what's wrong, just punish you or punish you in their own way. If one day, mom and dad will feel sorry for today's dereliction of Duty: they didn't teach you to abide by the rules at home, and told you that "the rules are in your heart, not on the wall nor on the paper".
My father and I solemnly decided to cancel the convenience of sending her to school in the morning and noon and the convenience of sending rice to school in the evening. In addition, a 3000 word check must be written.
In addition to the above punishment, at home, I still treat her as always, neither cold violence nor scolding.
Although her daughter is a little uncomfortable, she is lucky enough to think that we will forgive her as long as she gets excellent results in the next high school entrance examination.
My father and I guessed her mind, but they were still. Three days later, my daughter's starting point test results came out, although only 98 points in math, but still ranked fifth in the class.
One night, my daughter said to me wrongly, "Mom, I didn't do well in math test. Everything else is OK."
I solemnly told her that in this exam, she was the first in her grade and got full marks. We will not end the punishment for her in advance, because it's two different things, and the scores can never be exchanged with morality.
The punishment lasted for a month.
Many times, when we saw that our daughter was in a hurry before going out in the morning and that she was walking in the hot sun at noon, we were also a little impatient and struggled with ourselves very hard.
But after talking to her, she accepted the punishment. In study, she studies harder than before; in life, she is more sensible than before. The biggest change is that she is willing to be frank with us.
Finally, in the mid-term exam, her daughter's total score, class ranking and grade ranking have improved significantly.
A good parent is not to create a sterile environment for her child, but to let her learn to grow up in a complex environment.
A good habit is not achieved overnight, but must be polished repeatedly.
A good child is not a man who hears nothing out of the window and reads only the books of sages, but a man whose heart is like a mirror